Kick me when I’m down
This is really hard for me, I’m struggling
and embarrassed to admit it....the ‘f’ bomb has become my new favourite
word. If my boys could talk, I’m sure
they would be saying ‘tsk, ‘tsk’......
Ok so I knew it was coming (was
hoping for a different outcome), but it was not to be. My 6 month contract lasted 2 years and ended
on 30 June, yep...the government lifted its hiring freeze and those who were
waiting moved into their new positions...and me, well, I was a temp and let go,
no seniority, no hope.
I seem to have a problem getting
jobs, they are posted (or not), I apply, follow up, ask questions...still
nothing...I thought when I graduated from University 6 years ago (GULP....has
it really been that long??), I’d get a decent paying job and be able to move on
with my life....clearly I was and continue to be delusional.
Whatever.
If there were rugs in the house, I’d
say they had been pulled out from under me...again...and I’m lying there
waiting for the next kick....
I've have taken jobs with crappy pay (read just above minimum wage) for so long, I can’t relate to friends who make a decent wage, have seniority, benefits, paid vacations, paid stat holidays, some protection...
Whatever.
It is difficult to make long range
plans when you know things are not going to be the same from month to month....
My granddaughter just turned one, I’ve
never met her...hard to make plans for a mini vacation, when you are not sure
of the job situation.
My grandson will be turning 3, I saw
him when he was six weeks old. Again, hard to make plans for a mini vacation,
when you are not sure of the job situation.
Yep, the proverbial rug has been
pulled out from under me and I’m lying there waiting for the next kick.
I am not handling this well. Yes, I know there are others in similar
situations or worse, but for a change I’m going to be selfish and think about
me. I spent the first week wallowing in
grief and self pity, all the while sending out resumes and following up.
I spoke to an employment counsellor
last week and she wanted to know how many resumes I have sent out in the past 2
months...75......I could see her eyebrows raising through the phone line.
Did I piss someone off in my other
life? If so, enough already...
I am getting better, if you call
panicking better...I’ve pulled up my big girl panties and stopped sharing chips
and ice cream with the boys...we now get our own bowls....and spoons...and
stopped throwing things.....but the ‘f’ bomb is still my favourite word.
At some point, (probably during a
sleepless night), I decided that there's no way up or over or around this
situation and the only thing to do is just to keep walking straight ahead with
my head held high and go through it until I come out on the other side of it
somehow. Because I will get through this. I will come out on the
other side of it. Somehow. Just
don't ask me for details because I will lose my shi..* again and cry.
Churchill once said "if
you're going through hell, keep going."
I guess I don/t have a choice.
